We see our parents and don’t realise they had a life before us. We never imagined them as 10 year olds with dreams and aspirations, or later with experiences, freedom, trials, tribulations, and then we came into the world.
We often don’t know half of what they went through before or during parenthood.
We visited my daughter last weekend, and she asked if she could create a video asking me questions about my life.
She’d learned of the idea from a post on Instagram where this guy had asked his mother a series of questions.
Her reasoning was my answers would let my grandchildren and future great-grandchildren know who I was after I’d gone on to keep the worms happy.
• What was your childhood like?
• What were your thoughts when you met Mum?
• What were the first days of fatherhood like
• When was a moment you felt most proud of me
• Is there anything you would have done differently as a father
• What’s one thing you want me always to remember when you’re gone?
The bonus question was when my three-year-old grandson came into the room unexpectedly and sat on my lap and she asked what message do you want to give your grandsons.?
Mateo sat quietly as I answered. Imagine when he is 20, and he sees himself at three on his grandfather’s lap, talking about my dreams for him and his brother Carmelo. I can only imagine – his brother asking where was I and why wasn’t I on Grandad’s lap.
His mum’s response would be – crying in the other room.
As a parent, guardian, aunt or uncle, it’s a great gift to receive and I will treasure that evening forever.
But this is not only for parents. You could ask an aunt, uncle, or, as my niece did years ago with her grandfather and aunt, she wrote the answers down and, in the process, learned so much about them.
While answering, I realised my daughter knows very little about me and my many experiences because I was being dad and you keep things away from your children.
Many of my feelings and emotions came flooding back as I answered the questions. I could have talked for hours.
The value of this exercise is that you never know your parents or guardians deep down. It might be as simple as their favourite food or colour. And they may be open to being asked.
There is a rich tapestry of history – lost when they are gone, not only from an identity perspective but also from shared experiences and understanding.
What did they have to endure to get here? What affirmation and support was at hand? We don’t know.
They can learn about the history of their grandparents, aunt, uncle. Telling the story and chronicling the history gives reason and purpose, rich information that everyone can one day look back on and share.
Do it with your aunt, uncle, or grandparents. It might be your most important memory of them.
Don’t wait for tomorrow because there will come a time when there won’t be one.
It is highly recommended.