Have you ever had a situation where you accepted ungracious behaviour and felt annoyed with yourself afterwards?

Are you experiencing professional discourtesy where there is no thank you or acknowledgements, and you generally don’t like how you’re spoken to or treated?

A client told me about a situation with her partner, as she was unhappy with how he was treating her.

She turned to me and said something that has stayed with me all those years later, what does it say about me that I accept that behaviour? “I can’t do anything about how he treats and speaks to me – as that is his way – but what does it say about me that I accept it?”

That is the million-dollar question. What does it say about you when-:

✳️ You accept treatment that violates your value system, and you allow it

✳️ You feel constantly undermined, accept rude, unprofessional or unkind behaviour, and complain out of earshot but do nothing about it.

✳️ Consistently accept late payments by a client and don’t challenge them

✳️ You accept passive-aggressive behaviour but rationalise it (they did not mean it, it’s not personal etc.) and do not speak up or challenge the person, but deep down, it feels wrong.

✳️ You do more than you should and do not understand the difference you make

✳️ You believe that everyone is more deserving than you

✳️ You are a perfectionist, nothing is ever good enough, and so you stay stuck.

Conversely, what does it say about you when you do not allow someone’s behaviour to impact your self-esteem or sense of self-worth?

And you confidently market your services and speak up in meetings as you feel your point is as valid as everyone else?

The harsh lesson I’ve learned is that the problem does not lie with the other person; it lies with me. People are themselves, and I am responsible for what I accept.

Knowing your value is about putting yourself first without feeling selfish and that you are worthy and deserved.

It’s about having boundaries and confidently, assertively being able to take a position without fear of reprisal of what others will think or feel. And this should be across your life’s board.

No one else will value you if you don’t love yourself.

So, the next time you want to complain about how you are treated or feel affronted by comments, ask yourself, what does it say about me that I accept that behaviour or situation?